A collaboration with the godfather of chap-hop and steampunk legend, Professor Elemental about the most British of past times, queuing.
lyrics
I try to scan the supermarket
Scouting around; just me and my basket
But not to find the latest deal
I'm trying to get a decent feel for which cashier I should frequent; which line will first relent
But I don't want the shortest; that's the one that I hate
Because I like to stand and wait
I find a line and I take my place, and the chap behind me with an angry face says, "oh bloomin' 'eck this is a joke. I only want to buy this coke"
So I gesture rather happily, that he can go in front of me
An act of kindness, you might think
But I'd rather wait for him to buy his drink
You see...
I like to stand in line
It's the perfect way to pass the time
I'll be served right after you
So come on people let's join the queue
I'll queue for the bar, for the shops, for the loo
I'll queue when I've not got much else to do
The most British past time, so easy to view
You stand behind me, he stands behind you
But try to jump in, I'm not part of that; that's enough to give a chap and damned heart attack
Barge me and I'll barge you back, or I'll get sarcastic; it's not hard in fact
You see politeness costs nothing, but rudeness will
You try to cut through to get to the till and find the whole crew will move as one, so get back in place before the queue is done
It's so polite, you're all invited
Take your place and play nicely, find it
A place to reflect and maybe find a friend
I even feel a bit sad when the queue's at an end
I like to stand in line
It's the perfect way to pass the time
It keeps me standing next to you
So come on people let's join the queue
Patience, politeness and low level passive-aggressiveness
I mean it's everything I love about this country
Come one, come all, stand behind me
Join the queue
"'ere, Professor Elemental, organise"
One by one, two by two
This is more than a dance, it's something new
Three by three, four by four
Come join the queue; there's always room for one more
I went to a shop unlike any other
I wasn't impressed and I got in some bother
I paid for my goods at a machine of all things
and what followed next is what really stings
It gave me a number, said to take a seat
As though I should take the weight off my feet
"A seat?" I cried; that's just not British
It left me feeling rather skittish
Where is the order, the concatenation devised by the people of this great nation
This isn't a lounge for goodness sake
I wont to feel like my back could break
To stand in line with my fellow consumer
Take an hour and a half to get my hands on a Hoover
So let's join together and embrace this trait
and take some joy while we stand and wait
I like to stand in line
It's the perfect way to pass the time
I'd wait at the back as it grew and grew
So come on people let's join the queue
credits
from Grated Hits,
released November 30, 2019
(c) The Real Cheesemakers and Professor Elemental
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